He Was Never Going to Emotionally Fulfill Her *Hits Vape*
Know that.
Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney from Vanderpump Rules announced their separation this week with coordinating Instagram posts. Katie’s was short and to the point, while Tom’s was slightly rambly, included less PR speak, and alluded to the fact that it was “Katie’s decision.”
Katie confirmed on her podcast “You’re Gonna Love Me” that it was, indeed, her decision, along with some more interesting points about the separation that I’ll get to shortly.
While the news truly does feel like a shock—the couple have been together since the show’s 2013 premiere, and since 2010 altogether—it’s not exactly… surprising? Any longtime VPR viewer (hi!) will tell you that Tom and Katie’s relationship was… downright toxic. They berated each other, mocked each other’s genitals on camera, poured drinks on each other, cheated on each other… pretty much everything that makes for amazing television but a miserable existence otherwise, one would assume.
Reality shows don’t show everything, yes—and Tom’s statement alluded to that—but anyone who watched the couple interact could see they weren’t happy nor compatible. Ever, pretty much.
I, personally, assumed they would be just be unhappy together forever. They were so intertwined in each other’s lives via their jobs and friend group, and also barely got their shit together enough to make it down the aisle. A divorce is a massive undertaking that I simply assumed the Maloney-Schwartzes would never muster up the effort for, regardless of how much their feelings toward each other soured.
But, I was wrong!
Katie got emotional discussing the separation on her most recent podcast episode. Here are some tidbits:
Katie said the separation “wasn’t decided this week, or yesterday, or the day before. It’s been a little bit of time now. It’s been a little over a month since we’ve been separated… but the transition so far is going really well. It’s been peaceful and loving.”
They still live together in their Valley Village home.
Not making anyone choose sides is “important to them.”
“There was no crazy incident or fight” that led to this decision.
Katie confirms: “It was my decision, and it was the hardest and most painful decision I’ve ever had to make.”
“The only way to describe it is waking up inside of my life and hearing this voice that became louder and louder.”
Katie gets emotional saying, “Events from our life were coming into focus and I was feeling the weight on me. I wanted to deny them, I wanted to push them out of my head, because I love Tom. And we’ve built a life together. I wanted to be with him forever. But ultimately, I just wasn’t happy.”
“For a long time, I sat with it. I thought about it. I didn’t talk about it with anyone. I wanted to know if there was something else that was making me feel this way, but it just didn’t stop. It just became more clear. And I just could no longer deny it. It was the hardest thing to accept.”
“I’d really prioritized Tom and our relationship and our future, but I didn’t often prioritize myself or my happiness. That’s what was weighing on me. There were so many happy moments, even day to day. But ultimately, I was not fulfilled.”
“I realized the choice I had to make was to open up and tell him how I was feeling. Of course, I’m thinking about him and everything he has going on with his family, with his bar he’s opening, he’s under a huge amount of stress and here I am piling it on, but I realized I needed to start prioritizing myself and my happiness as well. It got to a point where I felt like I was going to burst. For months, it was building up. I felt disconnected, I felt I was drifting further away.”
She says telling Tom was the hardest part. “It was the hardest thing to do. I knew it was going to crush him.”
“We’ve had so many conversations. We want to just be supportive of one another. It’s really scary to think about the future sometimes. You can’t picture it when you’re in the midst of this. At times I’m hopeful, I feel strong convictions, I know I’m tough, I feel really strongly that I’m doing the right thing. But it doesn’t make it easier.”
“It’s hard not to think of the best times, and your wedding, and wanting to cling on to those times. Like, maybe this is the wrong thing? But when everything else is burning inside of you and telling you you deserve more, you have to listen to that.”
The separation “has been peaceful, it’s been loving, it’s been the best case scenario I could hope for or want.”
Telling their “loved ones was hard” because “divorce can be embarrassing, it can make you feel like a failure.”
She didn’t think she was going to start such a frenzy when she reposted Kim Kardashian’s quote about “choosing happiness.”
(It’s a quick 20-minute listen, if you want to hear in her own words.)
I’ll admit: I haven’t been a huge Katie fan over the years. In fact, every time I see a new outfit she’s styled I let out a feral scream.
But I’m really, really proud of her for choosing herself. The truth is, Schwartz was never going to emotionally fulfill her. He could hardly be faithful to her any time he drank, rarely stood up for her in her disputes with costars, and publicly made comments about “not having sex with her” in front of their friends (and a televised audience). You wouldn’t have to page Allison Dubois to know their relationship was always pretty doomed.
Katie is no angel, but she certainly deserves someone who actually pretends to give a shit about her.
The silver lining for everyone involved: Viewers haven’t been this interested in a new VPR season since the golden age. (Aka, the cardigan-parking-lot-fight, green-dress, YOU-BANGED-HIM era. IYKYK.)
The New Emily Weiss Exposé Isn’t… That Bad?
Glossier’s downward spiral has been covered by several outlets now, including Business Insider, who just dropped a new long-read titled, “How Glossier founder Emily Weiss' tech dreams derailed the hottest millennial beauty brand.”
The story chronicles how Weiss got caught up in trying to become a tech company—misdirecting resources, exhibiting poor leadership skills, creating a toxic work environment, and more.
And while some of the article’s points are valid, others—like that Weiss was guilty of buying in-office floral arrangements that were too elaborate, apparently—don’t hold much weight.
Like many others have pointed out, the way our society builds up and tears down “girlbosses” far more than their male counterparts is inherently rooted in misogyny. Something to think about!
I Started a Podcast!
My new podcast, “So True,” is out now! In our first ep, Ryan Bailey and I discuss Travis Scott, Travis Barker, Elizabeth Holmes, Kim K, and many, many others. Check it out, give it 5 stars (pretty please?), and stay tuned for more! (I have LOTS of exciting guests planned for the next few weeks!) Thank you, thank you, thank you!