Caroline Calloway Has Left the Building… In Shambles
And Muppet Mouth is terrorizing us.
Caroline (née Gotschall) Calloway recently announced she was leaving her tableaux in the West Village in a series of since-deleted TikToks. If you’re not familiar with Caroline, I’m not even sure where to begin, and I’m also envious of you.
I’ll try to make this quick, for those of you who aren’t as chronically online as I am: Caroline got her start as a quirky early “influencer” who chronicled her experience as an American girl at Cambridge University in the form of long, flowery Instagram captions. Her online success led to a book deal with a $500,000 advance—except, she would never finish the book, and had spent the entire advance at the time she abandoned the project. (Aka, she was $500,000 in debt.) Nevertheless, she continued her online presence throughout the years and embarked in a series of scams: There was the workshop scam, the snake oil scam, the “artwork/yard sale” scams—and, to cap it all off—the scam in which she announced she was self-publishing a book called “Scammer,” put it up for pre-order (in early 2020) and accepted payments for it, and just… never wrote it? (Unhinged and illegal!) In 2019, her former best friend Natalie Beach wrote an article for “The Cut” in which she admitted to being Caroline’s ghostwriter during her time at Cambridge. So it turns out her entire persona was a scam from the start, too.
At the end of 2021, Caroline announced she was taking a hiatus from social media, only to return in March 2022 to make those aforementioned TikToks. She announced she was joining her mother and grandmother in Florida, leaving her New York City apartment for good, and “subletting” it to poet/NYC It girl/sex worker Rachel Rabbit White and her husband Nico Walker—aka, the author of the book Cherry, which that Tom Holland movie was based on. (He’s a veteran who became addicted to drugs and spent time in prison for robbing a bank, giving him a felony record, which probably makes it difficult to get approved for an apartment in New York.)
White started documenting her move-in, and to say the studio apartment was destroyed is an understatement. Caroline’s longtime followers remember when she manically painted her hardwood floors white, haphazardly painting around piles of laundry. She also decided to paint her kitchen cupboards and appliances, including half—yes, half—of her microwave turquoise, before abandoning the project and never finishing before moving out. There was unidentifiable grime, kitty litter, and plastic bags everywhere; dirty-looking water and flower petals left in the bathtub; a buzzer phone that no longer functioned because Caroline painted over it; miscellaneous objects stuffed inside the oven, and more horrors that’d make anyone’s skin crawl.
It turns out, Caroline’s building managers were paying attention to the entire ordeal, and filed suit: They’re suing for $40,000 for a year and a half of unpaid rent (it turns out, Caroline hadn’t paid rent since September 2020), and $25,000 for the damages.
They kicked White and Walker out of the apartment, citing that the sublet was illegal and squatters’ rights don’t kick in until 30 days into living somewhere, and even looped them into the lawsuit against Caroline. All of their social media posts—in addition to a “Curbed” article about one of Caroline’s final “parties” at her New York apartment—were cited as evidence in the lawsuit, hence Caroline deleting the TikToks. (A lesson in that everything you say online can and will be used against you in a court of law!)
Caroline has famously evaded accountability for her entire online career, but I’m not sure how she can get out of being sued for $65,000. I’m honestly just surprised it took this long!
Muppet Mouth Is Terrorizing Us
Southern Charm’s Austen “MADISONNNN” Kroll has infested our favorite Bravo show, Summer House, like a cockroach—although I’ll admit the drama is entertaining to watch unfold. (I still signed the petition, of course.)
Muppet Mouth has been shamelessly playing both Ciara Miller and Lindsay Hubbard, vacillating between them in front of our eyes. In the most previous episode, he makes out with them both at Lindsay’s birthday pool party.
I’ve seen a lot of Ciara hate after this episode, and I hope people come to realize that Austen is the only one at fault here. We’re literally watching him manipulate them.
Can we, in general, stop pretending women are at fault for falling for manipulative fuckboys? Looking at you, Nick Viall, a 41-year-old, four-time Bachelor failure with a 22-year-old girlfriend and the delusion of thinking he’s somehow an arbiter of dating advice. We get it, Nick, you don’t like women, we’re all dumb, and men should simply be absolved of any responsibility for gaslighty, disrespectful behavior!
Trigger warning—Nick Viall’s face/voice/opinions:
What to Watch This Weekend
Windfall: Jesse Plemons plays a billionaire tech founder who arrives at his vacation home with his wife (Lily Collins) to discover it being robbed by Jason Segel. A sometimes-hilarious hostage situation occurs, and chaos soon ensues. (Netflix)
Top Chef: Stop sleeping on TC! The four episodes out so far have been *chef’s kiss,* pun intended. (Older seasons are on Hulu and perfect for binging too.)
Bridgerton season 2: I barely remember what happened in season 1 at this point, but I’m quite elated indeed to be transported back to 1800s London debutante balls! (Netflix)